A friend has suggested to me to write my feelings out and it would help me feel better and maybe, by God knows how, my subconscious will give me the answers that I seek. We will bloody see!
I am in pain and I do not know what to do. The love of my life who I have been together with for three years is not my boyfriend anymore. The relationship has gone shit. It makes me very sad that we used to be perfect together. I don't know if it is right to give it another shot or just give up and move on. It is fucking hard to let go of someone who I have loved more than anyone and I still do! But what is right and what is not?
A lot of my friends have been talking to me about this and I am very thankful. I need a clear mind and some mature voices to lead me to what's the best thing for me.
Last night I almost cried when he hugged me so tight and held my hand. I already decided to let go of him. I thought we both decided that. But doing that makes everything so much harder and it makes me confused. Can we change, really? Can we give it another try? Can we trust each other again? Can our love grow stronger and make it last our lifetime?
Someone told me this, 'if a cup is broken, you can glue it back together, but it will never hold strong again and the seem is always visible.'
We are broken. What makes it so much harder is that we don't have the space to move on because we need the job here and to think that we have to be casual when we have to sleep in one bed. It is not good for any of us. I wonder if the last 6 weeks that we'll be together will give us time to love each other again and mend our broken hearts. Or will it just tear us apart more and more each day.
DO I love him still? Yes, and I'll take care of him until the day I die if I have to. Do I still want to be with him? Yes, as long as he wants me still. But are things gonna be better? I don't know. Is staying with him gonna be the right decision? I don't know. Will I really find another man whom I will love the same or even more? I don't know!
What he has done has shattered my heart. It was painful and I will never forget it. If we were in Manila and he has done it then I probably won't be able to take the pain. Might as well just push me into floor and let the pain alone kill me. And to think he would risk getting HIV and how about me, his partner? Cheating is one thing that I hate the most. I can not take it. It makes me feel unwanted, ugly, and unloved. And to think that he would go down to that level bugs me the most. What was he thinking? Did he even think about me when he wanted to meet up with the whore? Is that what he's looking for? I thought he was different.
Pain has changed me. I am angry. As much as I want the old Steph back, I also wish I didn't know the real him. I thought he loved me more than anyone but why oh why do that?
You see, this boils my blood. That is why it is wrong to give it another try. He's done it before and he did it again and he will do it again.
I want to be happy. Right now, I don't know if I will find someone better (probably will) but the thing is will I ever love as much again?
I really liked him. He's funny and I can be myself with him. He was loving and sweet. But he is too reserved sometimes. I feel like I can't reach him out. Always talking to someone else. That is why I got curious. One thing led to another and boom! I just couldn't stop. The more I read the more I wanted to know.
Maybe this is enough for now. Or maybe I might not stop yet. I was thinking if I just cry and cry then sooner or late when I have cried enough I would get better. Or not.
It is really sad we have come to this. I hope I will see the light and I'd be happy again. With him or without him. But to tell you the truth, I'd prefer to be happy with him. :'(
I am so confused. My mind is against my heart. But I don't know which to use? Maybe for now I will let time tell. I just don't want to cry anymore.
I am in pain and I do not know what to do. The love of my life who I have been together with for three years is not my boyfriend anymore. The relationship has gone shit. It makes me very sad that we used to be perfect together. I don't know if it is right to give it another shot or just give up and move on. It is fucking hard to let go of someone who I have loved more than anyone and I still do! But what is right and what is not?
A lot of my friends have been talking to me about this and I am very thankful. I need a clear mind and some mature voices to lead me to what's the best thing for me.
Last night I almost cried when he hugged me so tight and held my hand. I already decided to let go of him. I thought we both decided that. But doing that makes everything so much harder and it makes me confused. Can we change, really? Can we give it another try? Can we trust each other again? Can our love grow stronger and make it last our lifetime?
Someone told me this, 'if a cup is broken, you can glue it back together, but it will never hold strong again and the seem is always visible.'
We are broken. What makes it so much harder is that we don't have the space to move on because we need the job here and to think that we have to be casual when we have to sleep in one bed. It is not good for any of us. I wonder if the last 6 weeks that we'll be together will give us time to love each other again and mend our broken hearts. Or will it just tear us apart more and more each day.
DO I love him still? Yes, and I'll take care of him until the day I die if I have to. Do I still want to be with him? Yes, as long as he wants me still. But are things gonna be better? I don't know. Is staying with him gonna be the right decision? I don't know. Will I really find another man whom I will love the same or even more? I don't know!
What he has done has shattered my heart. It was painful and I will never forget it. If we were in Manila and he has done it then I probably won't be able to take the pain. Might as well just push me into floor and let the pain alone kill me. And to think he would risk getting HIV and how about me, his partner? Cheating is one thing that I hate the most. I can not take it. It makes me feel unwanted, ugly, and unloved. And to think that he would go down to that level bugs me the most. What was he thinking? Did he even think about me when he wanted to meet up with the whore? Is that what he's looking for? I thought he was different.
Pain has changed me. I am angry. As much as I want the old Steph back, I also wish I didn't know the real him. I thought he loved me more than anyone but why oh why do that?
You see, this boils my blood. That is why it is wrong to give it another try. He's done it before and he did it again and he will do it again.
I want to be happy. Right now, I don't know if I will find someone better (probably will) but the thing is will I ever love as much again?
I really liked him. He's funny and I can be myself with him. He was loving and sweet. But he is too reserved sometimes. I feel like I can't reach him out. Always talking to someone else. That is why I got curious. One thing led to another and boom! I just couldn't stop. The more I read the more I wanted to know.
Maybe this is enough for now. Or maybe I might not stop yet. I was thinking if I just cry and cry then sooner or late when I have cried enough I would get better. Or not.
It is really sad we have come to this. I hope I will see the light and I'd be happy again. With him or without him. But to tell you the truth, I'd prefer to be happy with him. :'(
I am so confused. My mind is against my heart. But I don't know which to use? Maybe for now I will let time tell. I just don't want to cry anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment