I feel that my weak heart is in too much pain. Real pain. Sometimes I feel a twitch and I can't breath. It's as if my heart has shrunk. It hurts so much! I wish I can just stop feeling anything.

I still have to work hard to convince myself to move on. He surely had already and I can't be hoping anymore when I am not wanted. I have to be strong and maybe I should just give him space and avoid him more often so I can move on easily.

I thought maybe pushing him away by being angry will help me to let go. But not really. Because it's too exhausting and it just hurts even more. But being nice and friendly makes me just wanna get closer to him again and that hurts even more as well.

I wish I can just run away. Leave and try to forget. Get busy and not think about him. I am tired and I just wanna be happy again. It's over. Just fucking accept it. Stop dreaming about getting back again. Stop hoping. he doesn't love you anymore and he'd rather be with someone else. Or I dunno, fuck someone else. Get over it.

I know I am strong enough. I may still cry but I can move on. Start again and forget him.