I haven't written on here since God knows when, I am thinking about a month. I haven't read my previous posts yet. I plan to later but before I do so, I need to express my current thoughts before they get influenced by my previous feelings.
Well, to tell you the truth nothing much has changed. I thought I was getting better a few weeks ago. I thought I could finally handle it and be strong enough to face the truth. But no, I wasn't ready yet. I felt like breaking down yesterday and the day before and the day before that one too. It's just too hard for me and the pain is too much.
How could he not care anymore? Why could he easily just let go and not want me anymore? I thought he loved me more than anything but why be so cold and be easy with this break-up? Why be so interested in other girls so quickly? These all hurts me so much. It stabs my heart and I feel like shit. I'm not good enough and I don't even have any chance. I don't even have a right on anything anymore. I feel like a total stranger, an unimportant shit person who he doesn't care for.
'I just want you to be happy'. Don't give me that bullshit! You know perfectly well that you have the power to make me happy and hurt me. You are not hurt, so that is why you don't understand how I feel. I don't need your pity. I need you to want me. But I guess it's never gonna happen again is it. It's too late.
No matter how much it hurts, and no matter how much I love him still I need to let go. I need to move on and leave him. It is not gonna make me happy either, it's gonna me so painful I can't even imagine it when that day comes but it is the right thing for me to do. I will never be hurt by him again once I have let go. I need this for me. I am going to be OK. No matter how long it is gonna take, I am not gonna give up on being happy again.
I don't want to be with a man who fancies a lot of girls. A selfish man who only thinks about his needs and won't make compromises just because of his fucking principles and would rather hurt me.
I am gonna be strong. One month. That's all that I've got left. If only I can just go back home now.
I can't sleep without dreaming about him with another girl and waking up breathless. I can't just sit back and relax when I see him sending a long email to another girl. I am fucking ignored. I am not important anymore and no matter what I don I can't change that anymore. The man I love is a fucking asshole.
Well, to tell you the truth nothing much has changed. I thought I was getting better a few weeks ago. I thought I could finally handle it and be strong enough to face the truth. But no, I wasn't ready yet. I felt like breaking down yesterday and the day before and the day before that one too. It's just too hard for me and the pain is too much.
How could he not care anymore? Why could he easily just let go and not want me anymore? I thought he loved me more than anything but why be so cold and be easy with this break-up? Why be so interested in other girls so quickly? These all hurts me so much. It stabs my heart and I feel like shit. I'm not good enough and I don't even have any chance. I don't even have a right on anything anymore. I feel like a total stranger, an unimportant shit person who he doesn't care for.
'I just want you to be happy'. Don't give me that bullshit! You know perfectly well that you have the power to make me happy and hurt me. You are not hurt, so that is why you don't understand how I feel. I don't need your pity. I need you to want me. But I guess it's never gonna happen again is it. It's too late.
No matter how much it hurts, and no matter how much I love him still I need to let go. I need to move on and leave him. It is not gonna make me happy either, it's gonna me so painful I can't even imagine it when that day comes but it is the right thing for me to do. I will never be hurt by him again once I have let go. I need this for me. I am going to be OK. No matter how long it is gonna take, I am not gonna give up on being happy again.
I don't want to be with a man who fancies a lot of girls. A selfish man who only thinks about his needs and won't make compromises just because of his fucking principles and would rather hurt me.
I am gonna be strong. One month. That's all that I've got left. If only I can just go back home now.
I can't sleep without dreaming about him with another girl and waking up breathless. I can't just sit back and relax when I see him sending a long email to another girl. I am fucking ignored. I am not important anymore and no matter what I don I can't change that anymore. The man I love is a fucking asshole.
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